For the birth of my second daughter, I labored, pushed, and cut the cord all by myself. Not because I planned it that way — I'd very much wanted my husband to be there — but because I went into labor three weeks early, and the child care plan for my toddler fell through. It ended up being an empowering experience, but in hindsight, I would have done some things differently. Namely, I'd have had a plan B (and C) in place for child care in addition to my plan A (having my mom fly in when I was 38 weeks pregnant to stay with us).
If you’re pregnant with a second (or third, or fifth) and lying awake wondering, But what about my other kid?, this guide's for you. Here's how to make some solid plans for your older kids' care during your upcoming labor, even if you don't feel like you have many options.
How to find someone to watch your children when you're in labor
The time to think through your options is well before contractions start. As you begin to make your birth plan (usually in the third trimester), you can also solidify your plans for the child care you’ll need once you go into labor.
Consider different birth scenarios
If I could do it over again, I would plan for my ideal scenario, and then I would make a list of possible interruptions to that plan. Things like:
- What happens if you go into labor early, in the middle of the night, or when your ideal caregivers are unavailable for some reason?
- What if you or your new baby need to stay at the hospital for an extended period of time?
- What if your older child is sick when labor starts, making it harder or inappropriate to hand them off to someone else?
Thinking through these scenarios ahead of time doesn't mean you expect things to go wrong, it means you're giving yourself options if they do. (Trust me, you don't want to be trying to figure things out in the middle of a contraction.)
In my case, my ideal scenario was having my mom (who lives multiple states away) arrive when I was 38 weeks to stay with me until the big day, so she could just be there when I went into labor. But then I went into labor three days before she was set to arrive and I had no backup plan — yikes!
Think about the potential caregivers in your life
Once you've imagined the possibilities, make a list of potential caregivers. Everyone's list will be different, but people to think about include: grandparents, in-laws, close friends, and nannies or babysitters you already use. You might also consider leaning on your neighbors, church, or faith community.
Ideally, whoever watches your older kids during labor is someone nearby (so they can arrive quickly if needed) and someone who your little one (or ones) are already comfortable with.
"My aunt lives two minutes away," shares a What to Expect Community member. "Her and my grandma will come together during the day with the older two; they are 8 and 4 … Dad's going to come home at night and sleep with them and then come back and keep switching like that as long as we're in the hospital."
If you don't have immediate family or trusted people who can get to you at the drop of a hat, that's okay. Consider lining up a caregiver who can help immediately until your preferred person can arrive. "When my second was born, I had my neighbor on standby to have my oldest if I went into labor before my parents got into town (they are four hours away)," shares another Community member.
Establish expectations
Once you've identified your list of support people, it's important to communicate what the job entails. Talk honestly about what being "on call" really means and whether they're comfortable with a middle-of-the-night phone call or a sudden schedule change. Will they come to your house, or will your child go to theirs? Is there a pet at the house that'll also need care?
Share your hospital or birth center and what a typical length of stay might look like. If you're not confident they can do it, move on to the next person on your list.
Share necessary information
With your support team lined up, prepare written instructions and pack the little ones' go bags — with clothes, favorite items, toiletries, and medicines — when you pack your own hospital bag. Include instructions for school or day care drop-off and pickup, along with details about sleep routines, comfort items, and any screen-time guidelines you care about. Flag allergies, medications, or medical needs clearly. Ensure your caregiver has access to your home, knows where to park, and has emergency information on hand, including your pediatrician's contact details.
What can you do if you don't have anyone to watch your older kids while you're in labor?
There are so many reasons you might not have anyone who can help. Perhaps your close family and friends are too far away, or you're just not comfortable leaving your older child with people you know who are nearby. You've still got options.
Hire professional help
Consider hiring a doula who offers sibling services or a child care provider specifically for this event, like an emergency babysitter. If you go this route, make your plans early, so you can introduce the person to your kids and even do a test run first.
Word of mouth referrals are a great way to find this type of person. If you've hired a doula to help you during labor, ask for a referral to someone local who offers sibling care. You can also search DONA International's database for postpartum doulas, who would more likely provide sibling services. To line up an emergency sitter, ask friends or neighbors in person or via community social media groups.
Check with the hospital or birthing center
Some places may allow older siblings in the room for birth as long as they're supervised by at least one other adult. Others may have a policy for a social worker to help with older children, if you're truly alone.
"My hospital allowed kids, and I did have my 15-month-old come in for the birth," one commenter shares. "She stayed at home with her dad for the six hours that I was laboring and getting my IV and epidural. I was texting my boyfriend the whole time with updates, and I let him know to bring her when it was almost time to push. So they pretty much showed up, I pushed the baby out in seven mins, and they left when she started getting fussy."
"I had a C-section, so my daughter waited in my hospital room with my dad while I was in surgery," one What to Expect mom shares. "She stayed with us overnight and through discharge. She is 4."
The hospital staff where I gave birth was totally cool with my older daughter being there, as long as she was supervised by her dad. Early on in my labor, we considered letting her stay — she even fell asleep in the hospital bed with me — with the plan being that when it came time to push, my husband would leave the room with her.
But when she was woken up by the staff needing to check on me and started to become overtired, I made the call to send them home. It wasn’t worth it considering she was miserable and, in the end, my partner was going to miss the birth anyway.
So if you do this, consider your birth plan alongside the age of your children and how well they might handle all the things that come along with it: doctors and nurses checking on mom, potentially seeing you in pain, wanting you to care for them while you're contracting, and how tired and overstimulated they may become.
Have your partner stay home
Another option is to have your partner stay home with your older child, which is what I ended up doing. Giving birth alone wasn't what I originally wanted, but it ended up being beautiful in its own way.
I've since learned from the What to Expect Community this is not unheard of, and for some it's their ideal scenario. "I'm going to do labor alone and leave my 2-year-old with my husband," one commenter shared. "I do not trust the family I have close by, nor want them in the delivery room with me. I'm a pretty independent person and feel this is the best option for me."
Another option is to line up a support person for you — either a doula, friend, or family member to come to the hospital with you, while your partner stays home with the older kids. "As difficult as it is, my husband will stay home with [my toddler], and I will labor and be at the hospital with our doula," another added. "He will get to visit when she is at nursery school in the mornings if the baby doesn't come on the weekend."
It's worth considering the possibility of doing it alone or bringing the older kids with you even if you feel confident in your plans. Labor doesn't always happen on a convenient day, and it may begin during a holiday, a school break, or a time when your caregiver is traveling or unavailable.
How to prepare your older children for what to expect
Depending on your older child's age, it can be hard to truly explain what labor and birth will be like — or to help them understand that plans may change quickly. Still, doing some prep work can go a long way.
Explain the plan
Use simple, concrete terms to share what will happen: who will come to take care of them, where they'll be, and what will happen next. Emphasize that you will be safe and that you'll come back to them soon, even if you don't know exactly when. Keeping the explanation calm and matter-of-fact helps signal that the birth of their new sibling is not something to fear.
If you can, do a trial run
Have your chosen caregiver come over for a short visit or bedtime routine so it feels familiar. Practice what it might look like for them to arrive at night or for your child to sleep somewhere else.
If they will be staying elsewhere when you head to the hospital, let them help pack their own overnight bag. Let them choose pajamas, a favorite stuffed animal, a book, and whatever else they want. Framing this as an important job reinforces that they have a role in welcoming the new baby. It can also prime them to be excited to play and get special time with grandma, aunt, or whoever will be caring for them.
Use a book or TV episode to talk about it
Age-appropriate content can help make the idea of "birth day" feel more concrete. In my house, we watched and re-watched the Tumble Leaf episode on Amazon Prime when the chickens hatch a new baby named Peach. I also told my daughter the story of her own hospital birth, and how the plan was to do the same when her baby sister decided to arrive.
Even though my plans changed when I went into labor, the prep still paid off for her. She understood already that I was going to be at the hospital, and that no matter what, she was going to be safe. The specific details ultimately didn't really matter to her.
Welcoming a new baby is bound to be a joyous but stressful time. Feeling guilty or torn between children is incredibly common, but the reality is most kids are far more adaptable than we give them credit for, especially when they feel prepared and supported. Planning ahead and trusting in your (and your kids') ability to roll with the punches no matter what can help you head into labor with as little stress as possible.
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