Does any parent ever feel 100% "ready" to have a baby when it comes to your finances, career, or timing? Yet, many take the leap anyway. Then comes the question of, "Should I have another baby?" and the spiral starts all over again. But this time it’s more complex, because you actually know what you’re getting yourself into — and already have a toddler or big kid at home to consider in the equation. 

Here, seven moms share what went into their decision to expand their families or to stop having more kids. Their concerns run the gamut from financial worries to health challenges. Ultimately, their decisions are personal, but they may give you some inspiration for how to start to navigate your own decision.

1. We talked daily and created pros and cons lists using ChatGPT

“I had that kind of baby fever where you see somebody holding a baby and you're brought back to those memories of the early days. Our kids, who are now 5 and 7, are so perfect. We have so much fun with them, and they're amazing kids. For us, there was a thought, ‘Why don't we have another one?’ I mean, we can handle it. They're great.

I know a lot of friends who have more than two kids. They say, ‘Well, you know, one or two more — you don't even feel it because the house is already a mess. You're already running around.’

It was a topic of conversation daily for maybe five months for us, and we were having in-depth conversations. We'd make little remarks and create lists with ChatGPT on the pros and cons of having another. It was really difficult because you can picture your life both ways. Honestly, it was one of the hardest decisions we've made. Ultimately, we decided against having another baby.

One of the major line items on our ‘con’ list is that we like to do things as a family unit. It's our favorite way to operate. If somebody needs jeans, we all go for them together. If we had another child, then we would feel like we'd have to spend less time together because we'd be subbing for each other to care for the baby or to get each kid to their own activities. In order to keep functioning, doing life as we like to, and spending a lot of time together, we've decided that maybe it's best that we don't go for it. 

— Alexandra Cunningham, 36, Toronto, mom of two children ages 7 and 5

2. We discussed lifestyle choices and our daughter's needs

“My husband, Yusuf, and I originally agreed that we would have two children. Then, when our daughter was around two or three years old, I started to feel uncomfortable with having another child. One day I told him, ‘I don't think I can do it.’ He was a little concerned — like, ‘Oh my gosh, we thought we would have two.’ It took a while for him to understand my perspective. 

We spoke about what falls on women who give birth — post-pregnancy effects of depression, anxiety. The fact that I was already feeling so discouraged by the thought of a second pregnancy, he was like, ‘Well, I wouldn't want to lose you to something like that just to have a second child.’ We also talked about our lifestyle. My husband travels a lot for work and for personal projects. I also love to travel for work and we like to travel as a family and it's just so much more feasible with one child.

Then we discussed what having another baby would look like for our daughter. She’s autistic and her days are very packed — we are happy to pour all of our resources and energy into the services that we are providing for her. My daughter is in school Monday through Thursday, from 8 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. Then she does Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapy at home for five hours on Mondays and Wednesdays. On the other days, after school, she does speech therapy, music therapy, and horseback riding. I just love my daughter so much that everything that we're doing for her now, I would not want to compromise on any of that, because I have to take care of someone else.”

— Bushra Kabir, 33, Maryland, mom of a 7-year-old

3. We talked a lot about timing

“I had my daughter in the height of the COVID pandemic in November of 2020. I found out I was pregnant the week that everything shut down in New York City. I was really scared and was unsure whether I could even safely ride the subway, or see friends. I didn't see my parents for the first four months of my pregnancy, which was difficult because they were 40 minutes from me in Long Island while I was living in Brooklyn, and we're very close. 

After our first, we discussed whether it was the right choice for us to have another child. There are projections of what my neighborhood in upstate New York will look like in 2080 if we don't do anything in regards to climate change. It's gonna look more like New Orleans — humid and hot. My childhood experiences of cold, snowy winters in the Northeast might not look exactly the same for my children, and now I am trying to raise them to be more resilient people because their future will probably be a little more unpredictable than mine was. But I wanted to have another baby so I could experience being more social while pregnant.  

In 2022, I decided it was the right time to try to get pregnant with my second baby. I felt hopeful about the Biden presidency and with all of the environmental policies that were being made. In 2023, I got a job in sustainability, so I was really excited for what was to come. 

The decision to have my first baby was because I, selfishly, wanted to experience pregnancy and being a mother. I also wanted to bring a child into the world, to help them navigate the world and make it better. Once I did that, I wanted my daughter to have a sibling and be able to go through life with somebody that she can potentially be close to. Now, I’m trying to focus on embracing today and what it brings — the little joys.” 

— Catherine Dolan, 36, New York, mom of two children ages 5 and 3

4. We considered our own childhoods and what lifestyle we wanted for our son 

“My husband and I both grew up lower-middle-class, and we were raised in Hispanic families, where having large families is the norm. 

We had food, we had school uniforms, we had the basics covered. But, beyond that, we didn't have many other luxuries, for lack of a better word. We never really had vacations and sometimes not even Christmas presents. My husband experienced food insecurity. He was one of four siblings, and I was one of three. 

We also both didn’t have the best relationships with our siblings growing up (although I now have a friendship with my sister — my brother passed away 20 years ago). None of us got along with each other, to the point where we were like enemies living in the same house. We also both felt overlooked by our parents, as middle children. That experience became really ingrained in our heads. 

We didn’t want our child or children to have the same experience that we did, so when we got married during the 2009 recession, we knew two things: (1) We were only going to have one or two children, and (2) we weren’t going to have kids until we felt financially stable.

Once we got to that point and had our baby, I realized that even motherhood with one child is very overwhelming, very overstimulating. I have ADHD and it takes very little for me to get overwhelmed. Meanwhile, my kid is super high-energy. He needs a different activity every five minutes. It just drains me.

I also think living in San Diego, one of the most expensive cities not just in California but in the United States, is a huge factor in our decision not to have any more kids. My husband got laid off from his job back in March. I could not imagine having to pay for two day cares or two preschools and two of everything. Since we only have one child, we're comfortable enough that we're not super financially stressed. We now feel completely confident that one and done is the right choice for us.” 

— Tika Fender, 41, California, mom of a 3-year-old

5. We decided to be done having kids, then changed our minds

"When I met my husband, Mark, I didn’t think I wanted kids. But he is one of 10 and showed me what a big, loving family could actually feel like — the laughter, the chaos, the belonging. 

Just a year after we got engaged, we had our first, a boy, and then two years after that, our second son. After that, I felt confident I was done. My second pregnancy had been brutal — physically and emotionally — and I was sure my body couldn’t do it again. Even though my husband still dreamed of a big family, some honest, heart-wrenching conversations led him to get a vasectomy.

Two and a half years later, I was rocking my niece when tears suddenly filled my eyes — I missed being able to hold my own newborn and frankly, the entire newborn stage, more than I could say.

At the time, my kids were 4 and 6, and when I got home that night, I told my husband I wanted another baby. He thought I was just being emotional because my friends were having more babies, but months passed, and the idea of having another was still weighing on my heart. I started researching adoption and IVF since Mark had undergone a vasectomy, but both were far beyond our means. The only real option was a vasectomy reversal. 

I remember we were talking in bed one night, a few days later, and I blurted out that I still really wanted another baby, and maybe he could undo his vasectomy. He literally laughed out loud in disbelief, so I asked him to think about it. 

The next day, we were sitting on the couch in the living room, and I grabbed a notebook to write down our pros and cons. The cost, the surgery, the risk of another hard pregnancy all entered the no list. But the pro list had so much more emotion than logic: the chance to honor his dream of a big family, and maybe, just maybe, welcome a daughter.

A couple of days later, an elderly lady in the grocery store came up to me, smiled, and said, ‘The world needs more moms like you.’ That same day, I secured an unexpected brand partnership for my business — and the brand was going to pay me the exact amount a vasectomy reversal would cost. I’d prayed for a sign — and got two.

I practically ran home to tell my husband, and we agreed we would talk about it once the kids went to bed. Around 8 p.m., when the house was finally silent, we looked over our list again. We talked about how much joy and love our two sons already bring us and how another baby would just add to that love. We looked at each other, and both of our eyes were watery with tears. We knew in our hearts what we were meant to do. He had the reversal.

Now, I’m pregnant with our third — our rainbow baby following a recent miscarriage. The road here wasn’t straight, and the days are still messy and loud, but they’re also full of laughter, grace, and a kind of joy I once didn’t believe I deserved."

— Alexandra McFall, 33, South Carolina, mom of two children ages 7 and 5, and pregnant with her third

6. I ask myself a series of questions, starting with “why”

"I didn't want kids for a very long time. My partner always knew he wanted kids and he married me knowing that I may not. But I realized that it wasn't that I didn't actually want kids, but that I was still grieving — I had lost my parents some years before. I also wasn't where I wanted to be in my career. I was freelancing for 10 years before moving into corporate, so I had a very non-traditional trajectory, and I was like, ‘Feed a baby — with what money?’

I had a ton of other reservations around what being a parent meant, so I was in therapy. I was in general therapy and then I had a grief therapist. I started asking myself a series of questions to decide if I wanted a baby. The first question was, ‘Why?’ Other questions were, ‘What makes you feel the most alive right now? Are you currently content with who you are? Are you fulfilling your own life in your own way, as a solo person, even outside of your partnership that you may or may not have?’ It's so important that our children are not our gap fillers.

When I had my daughter, it was all about logic. We saved $100,000 before we had our first child. The reason we chose that number is that we knew we wanted a nanny. Then we knew we wanted a home, so we moved and bought a home.

Having my second child, my son, was a much more emotional decision. I went through my list of questions again. I was obsessed with being a mom. I was the happiest I'd ever been. I felt joy in a whole new way. I was very certain about my son, and it felt good to be certain. After losing so many people in my life, I hadn't been certain about anything that required me to love. Even when I got married, I was hesitant. So I often say my son has been joy without fear.

Now I’m deciding if I’d like to carry a third child. My own experience led me to start a community called Maybe Motherhood. I’ve had consultations with women who really struggle to make the decision to have a baby, or another baby. I share my list of questions; there are now 50 of them.  I have the option, but I know that ‘no’ is a valid option too.”

— Brittany Dandy, 37, New York City, mom of two children ages 5 and 2

7. We considered the benefits a sibling would bring our son

When my son was about six months old, I had an ectopic pregnancy and had to be rushed for an emergency surgery. That's when the doctor found out that I had stage four endometriosis and I had a surgery after that, as well. Long story short, I didn't have tubes. If we wanted to have another child, the only option would be In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). 

To be honest, my husband was scared for me to undergo IVF. It’s a huge commitment, not just in terms of me physically going through it. As a family, we still had one child whose life had to continue as is, and so we had to have a lot of conversations. My husband had to be very supportive of it and had to pick up when I couldn’t do certain things. So, we both had to get on the same page. He made it very clear to me that my health was the number one priority, and if we did IVF and it affected my health, then he was okay not going through with it or stopping it.

I grew up in a family of two girls. I have a sibling who's my best friend and I always hoped that my son would have somebody. Plus, it may be a morbid thought, but after my husband and I are no more, I want him to have someone he still gets to call family.

During COVID, I really saw the impact of my son not having anybody around his age because we were all basically homeschooling at that point. He was just about three years old and learning the social skills to play with other children. But we weren't seeing a lot of friends and it really made both my husband and me feel that it would be great for him to have a sibling. 

 We decided that I would do IVF, but call it quits if my body couldn’t take it anymore or if it was impacting quality of life, not just for me, but for the family we already had. I had mentally prepared myself that we would get three cycles. If it didn’t work out in the three cycles, then we would take that, as well. That's destiny. That's God's will. We did the best that we could and it worked out.”

— Akruti Babaria, 42, mom of two children ages 8 and 3, New York City

Additional reporting by Olivia DeLong