Good things come to those who wait, but try telling that to a toddler. She wants everything now, whether it's a toy, a juice box, or a walk in the park.
"I have a really wellmannered toddler in general, but he is very impatient," says What to Expect Community mom lionessmama. "While I understand that’s also his age, I was wondering what is the right time to start teaching him basic etiquette, for example, to wait for his turn to talk?"
When your toddler wants something — and when doesn't she? — she wants it now. Impatience is normal in toddlers, but these tips can help your child build patience over time.
Why toddler impatience happens
Good luck trying to explain the difference between "now" versus "soon" to an impatient toddler. Before they turn 2, it's pretty tough for toddlers to understand the concept of waiting and why it's even necessary — they live purely in the moment.[1]
Some kids are naturally more eager than others, and most just don't have the self-control to be patient even if they wanted to. That's why asking your child to wait a minute is like asking her to wait a lifetime. "[My kids] are 2.5 and 4.5 and it’s still a struggle," says What to Expect Community parent Iguanadon42. "They want things when they want them and it’s always right now."
You'll have to do some waiting yourself for your toddler's skills to develop: Your child's patience will stretch as she approaches her second birthday, when she'll be able to sit tight for a brief spell when asked. By the time she's 3 years old, you can expect her to hang in there for several minutes and occupy herself with another activity.[2]
What to do about an impatient toddler
When you're stuck with any antsy little one, you can help her wait it out by trying the following:[3]
Create a diversion
When a wait is unavoidable — like when you're in line at the grocery store and your tot demands her doll from the car — buy yourself some time. Distract her with a song, a nursery rhyme, or an engaging conversation about your surroundings. ("Hey, see that school bus out the window? Where do you think it's going?") Your patter may be just enough to head off a meltdown.
Define the delay
If you need five minutes in the kitchen before you can finger paint, set the timer and explain that you'll be ready to play when it dings. This gives her a more concrete interpretation of time — and a greater sense of control over the waiting game.
If she can't have it, hide it
There's no sense in keeping tonight's dessert on the counter if it means a request for a piece every two minutes. If your child has trouble waiting for treat time (and who doesn't?), stash the evidence (or anything else that's off-limits) out of sight to discourage perpetual pestering.
How to prevent impatience in toddlers
It's also possible to ward off (some) future meltdowns with a few simple strategies:
Be prepared
Keep your bag stocked with small toys, board books, or crayons to busy your child during a long wait (and don't forget to stash an emergency nibble). That way you can take turns drawing, sticking stickers on a notepad, or driving a little car along the edge of a table when you're killing time.
Avoid waiting when possible
While your toddler needs practice to learn patience, not every situation is ideal for teaching it. If she's hungry or tired, it'll be harder for her to keep it together. So skip complicated errands or reschedule appointments that overlap with naptime or dinner.
Know when not to wait
Yes, it's good for toddlers to practice patience, but it's not always wise (or fair) to put their demands on hold. Hunger and thirst, for example, are urgent sensations that require pretty immediate attention, so even if dinner is 45 minutes away, a small, nutritious snack is a fine idea.
Have more questions about your toddler's behavior and milestones? The What to Expect app is your guide to the toddler years, with expert-backed articles and tips from other parents.
How to teach a child to be patient
With a lot of patience of your own (and a hefty dose of role-modeling), you can teach your toddler how to handle delays, maybe even with a smile on her face. The bonus of gaining patience is gaining perseverance — your toddler learns not to give up right away if something doesn't go her way, a critical skill for preschool, big school, and life in general.
Use a timer
Help your toddler learn that a minute really isn't very long by setting a timer. She'll be so busy watching the seconds tick away (or the sand tumble through an hourglass) that she'll forget her impatience.
A timer also gives her a sense of control — she knows that when time's up, she gets what she's been waiting for (so be sure to follow through when that bell rings).
A timer is also handy when you're the one waiting for your toddler — give her five more minutes of playtime before her lunch, for example. The takeaway: She'll learn that patience is a two-way street.
Praise waiting
When your toddler colors quietly while waiting for her burger at the diner or sits nicely with a storybook in the pediatrician's waiting room, notice and praise her efforts. Let her know you know how hard it can be to wait patiently — your child may not even realize that that's just what she's doing.
Practice waiting
You can get your toddler more used to the waiting game with some simple activities at home. Plant flower seeds in a pot, and check them together every day as you wait for them to sprout, grow, and eventually bloom. Or bake something together — watch your muffins as they rise and puff up in the oven, and play a quick game while you wait for them to cool.
Use time-outs effectively
When done correctly, short time-outs (a minute may be all you need!) can help teach toddlers about unacceptable behavior as well as self-control. When your tot acts out, pulling her aside for a quick breather can help her calm down and learn to regroup — valuable skills for building up her patience.
Show that you're willing to wait
If you practice impatience — for example, by abruptly putting an end to a game in progress when bath time arrives — she'll think it's okay to impose similar demands on you (and her pals).
Whenever possible, issue a two-minute warning before she has to switch gears. That way, she'll have a chance to wrap up what she's doing and learn that waiting — though sometimes unpleasant — is a part of everyday life.
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