They’ve seen it all, but when it comes to what they’ll share with expecting moms, labor and delivery nurses are likely to stick to the basics. After all, they are there to do an important job — keep you and your baby safe — and when push comes to, well, push, the opportunity to talk about everything they really might want to has likely already passed.
Fortunately, we caught up with a few obstetric nurses and asked what they’d fill you in on if they had the chance.
Labor and delivery nurses want moms to know that flexibility is key — birth plans often change, and trusting your medical team helps ensure the safest outcome. Comfort and mindset matter: Bring small items from home (like a pillow), skip unreliable internet searches, and remember that your nurses are advocates who want the best for you and your baby. You’re in control: You can say no and choose who’s in the room, and don’t worry about modesty or perfection — nurses don’t judge, and they’re there to support you through birth and breastfeeding.
1. Birth plans can backfire
One of the ongoing conversations on any labor and delivery ward is that the more specific a patient’s birth plan, the more likely something unusual comes up.
“I don’t know why this is,” admits Jennifer Dohm, a R.N. from northern Michigan. “The more detail and time they put into creating it and trying to control the situation seems to up the chances.”
Of course, that's not to say that having a birth plan means you'll have complications, but your OB nurse definitely wants you to know that it’s best to go in with an understanding of what may happen during labor, know your wishes, and also be flexible.
“Trust the medical team to do what they are trained to do and understand, [because] very rarely is a labor and delivery going to be textbook,” Dohm adds.
2. A pillow from home can make all the difference
One of the strangest things about giving birth in a hospital is that for many healthy women, it’s actually the first time they will be in a hospital setting and exposed to things like getting an IV, the constant smell of hand sanitizer, and the nonstop noise.
So although it sounds silly, having something from home in your hospital bag can help make you more comfortable.
“Bring a nice pillow to the hospital,” advises Janine Walsh Kelbach, a health care writer and Ohio R.N. in labor and delivery.
You can always put it to the side when delivery begins, but you’ll be happy to have it nearby for the rest of your stay.
"I am bringing [my pillow]," says What to Expect Community user littlespacebased. "I was just hospitalized for high blood pressure, and it was soooo uncomfortable, I decided there was no way I could do labor without it."
3. Don’t Google everything
“Enter the Internet with care,” warns Barbara Payne Bourgeois, an R.N. from Wenatchee, Washington. “Dr. Google is not always the most reliable source of information.”
While there are some useful, credible sources on the Internet (like this one, of course), it’s important to exercise caution when doing your research. Always make sure you're consulting with a legitimate medical website and don’t be surprised if your nurses contradict something you've read.
If you have concerns, address them, by all means, but be aware that they may have more correct, up-to-date, or thorough knowledge at hand.
4. Labor and delivery nurses are on your side
Some moms might think that OB nurses have a “secret” agenda, silently trying to derail your birth plans. But it doesn’t work that way.
Bourgeois, who is a Special Care Nursery nurse, says that parents should realize nurses are on their side. “We want them to have a healthy baby and as good a birth experience as possible,” she explains.
5. You’re allowed to say no
Nicci Bryant, a labor and delivery R.N.C.-O.B., B.S.N., wants moms everywhere to know that they are the real ones in charge. A nurse is there to be a guide, a helper, and an advocate, but remember that you're allowed to say “no to anything, keeping safety first,” she points out.
“Know the process [and] educate yourself,” she adds. “It's your birth, you'll never get this one back, your nurse is your nurse, he's/she's your voice (use him/her), and be patient!”
6. You get to call the shots
Jennifer Mann Melnik, a labor and delivery nurse at St. Joseph Hospital in Oakland, Michigan, wants all expecting moms to know that it's their birth experience. If you want your whole family or just your partner in the room, you get to make that call.
“No one else has a ‘right’ to be in that room,” she says. “It's not a party that you have to host. You are not obligated to let everyone and their brother watch you do the most difficult thing you will ever do. Do not be afraid to ask them to leave, [or] better yet, not to come.”
7. No, the nurses don’t care about your nether regions
You may be wondering if nurses care how much hair you have down there, what things look like, or if you poop during labor, but they don’t. It’s all part of the job, they say, and the only thing they’re concerned about is getting that baby safely out and tucked securely in your arms.
8. Labor and delivery nurses don’t expect you to be a breastfeeding pro
OB nurses have literally seen it all. So they are fully aware that breastfeeding, if you're choosing to do it, can be very difficult to get the hang of at first.
“Breastfeeding can be a big challenge, through no fault of anyone,” Bourgeois explains. “It is a dance of sorts between baby and Mom, and can take days and even longer to get well-established. Get and accept good help with that. You will likely be exhausted, sore, and emotional, and we are there for you, lactation nurses are there for you. Again, be patient with yourself.”
Remember: You can get more answers to all your questions about labor and delivery on the What to Expect app, plus talk to moms who have been there.
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