If you’re counting down the months until baby makes two, you no doubt know that those first few weeks with your little one will be even more of a challenge than it is for most moms. No one needs to tell you that being a single mom may be the hardest job you’ll ever have.
But here’s the deal: With a little preparation and patience, you’ve got this. These tips will help ensure that life’s next chapter is as smooth as a baby’s bottom (or at least not complete chaos!).
Line up help ahead of time
Ask a good friend if he or she wouldn’t mind attending prenatal classes with you and serving as your labor coach — the person who will get you to the hospital, see you through labor and delivery, and then get you and your new baby home safely.
See if your friend might also create an online signup list for friends to volunteer for meal delivery the week or two after you give birth (or delivery of frozen meals ahead of time) or a list of folks who will stop by to help you while you go for a walk, get a manicure, or just sit and read.
Create a separate sign-up for tasks that need to be done before your due date, like assembling the car seat or crib. Double-check that all is good to go once things are done so there are no surprises when you bring the baby home and you’re suddenly the sole on-site handyman.
Stock up on supplies
There’s no making a quick run to the 24-hour drugstore at midnight if you’re all alone with the baby. Make sure you have plenty of diapers, wipes, and other essential baby supplies on hand before your little bundle arrives.
Signing up for autoship at an online retailer (like Amazon or The Honest Company, for example) makes things all the easier.
Consider hiring an overnight newborn care specialist
While this sort of professional can be pricey (anywhere from $160 to $360 a night, or $20 to $45 per hour, depending on where you live, whether or not you have multiples, and the caregiver's credentials, experience, and demand for their services), you may wind up finding it’s worth the splurge. You won’t have someone at home to tag-team when it comes to nighttime feedings like two-parent families do.[1]
So a newborn specialist can be a godsend, especially if you plan to bottle-feed exclusively or in addition to breastfeeding. She will give your baby expressed milk or formula for at least one of the feedings each night, allowing you to get some extra shut-eye. She can also get a fussy baby to sleep, change diapers, and otherwise make your life easier for the first few days.[2]
Ask friends for referrals, or contact an agency. To find a credentialed agency in your area, you can check the website for the International Nanny Association (INA).
Thoroughly investigate child care options
Finding the right child care is essential, and a day care facility is often an excellent choice if you’re a single mom — relying on a nanny or home day care means you might have to scramble for backup if your provider calls in sick.
However, if you can afford a nanny, consider that option too (or a nanny share if money is tight). A nanny makes sense if your hours are unpredictable, as day care facilities generally have strict policies regarding late pickup.
Find out how flexible your job is
Talk to your supervisor about possible changes to your schedule or other accommodations that may make juggling your new responsibilities a bit easier.
And know that it’s generally easier to handle it all during those first few months when your baby’s MO is eat-sleep-poop; being a single mom can get more stressful when your little one is a bit older, so make sure you plan ahead.
Find support from other single moms
Don’t go it alone. Whether you need advice, moral support, or a shoulder to cry on, there’s no need to book a sitter to find a support group — help is just a click away.
"Make sure you have a village," says What to Expect Community user spalmadesso. "I’m a single mama by choice and I love it but need a lot of help."
Check out the many resources at single parent support sites like Parents Without Partners, as well the What to Expect single moms group. Consider joining a weekend Mommy and Me group to meet new moms you can add to your support network. And don’t be shy about asking for help from friends and neighbors.
Take a break
Being a single mom, you may think you need to work twice as hard. Don’t give in to that urge, and don’t feel guilty that you don’t. You will be a better mom if you make time for yourself to recharge and refresh, whether with friends or alone.
"One thing to know is it's okay to not only ask for child care help from others for stuff like work but also for some leisure time to go out and do things you enjoy or that refresh you," says What to Expect Community user willowoaktree. "I think as a parent, especially a mother, it can be hard to give ourselves permission to take care of ourselves and take time away from our baby to have 'me time' and do things for yourself, but it is so important."
If a weekly nighttime babysitter seems like too much of an indulgence, at least try having someone come every few weeks or month, find parents you can swap sitting duties with or consider more creative arrangements, like renting a room to a college student in exchange for child care duties.
Go easy on yourself
You’re the only one to notice if the socks aren’t folded or the dirty dishes linger in the sink for an extra day.
Accept the fact that some things won’t get done as quickly or as perfectly as you might like, at least in the short-term. That said, having some routine in your life — eating dinner and going to bed at the same time each day, for instance — can help make you feel more in control.
Have more questions about navigating parenthood as a single mom? Open the What to Expect app for a detailed guide to the newborn stage and beyond, plus get tips from single moms who have been there.
Though it will be more of a juggling act raising a baby as a single mom than with a partner, rest assured that with some planning, help, and realistic expectations, you'll rise to the occasion and learn to handle it all with finesse and grace.
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