The last few months before we became parents were intensely special for my husband and me. We were about to meet an entirely new human being, created out of our love. It was profound!
But so was my fear about the havoc this seismic shift would wreak on our happy partnership. Indeed, the first year of parenthood — heck, the first week — came with disagreements, panic, exasperated squabbles and even resentment, as he got dressed and went back to work and I spent hours alone trying to figure out how to keep this precious potato alive.
A new What to Expect poll of 492 moms with children under age 5 shows that we were far from alone, of course. A whopping 91% of parents report having significant disagreements with their partner after having a baby.
"I'm surprised it's not 100%," says Colleen Reichmann, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist and the founder of Wildflower Therapy LLC in Philadelphia. "It's just one of the biggest transitions any couple will ever experience."
It's impossible to prepare perfectly for what's coming your way, but it's still useful to know what road blocks may lay ahead (if you're currently pregnant or planning to add to your family), or hear about what other couples are going through (if you're in the newborn or infant trenches). Here's a look at what new parents argue about the most, why this time is so rife with conflict, and how you can handle these disagreements and actually come out the other side with an even stronger relationship.
The top source of conflict for new parents? Getting alone time
It's hard to imagine a bigger life switch than the one that happens the moment you have a child. Trying to carve out a moment just to pee can feel bizarrely, inexplicably impossible in those early weeks, which might be why 51% of parents surveyed by What to Expect say they fight about having time for themselves.
"My husband needs a lot of alone time to feel normal. He works out at the gym 1-2 times a week which take[s] about 3 to 4 hours each time," writes What to Expect community member Kenpoe. "I try to be generally supportive but most of our arguments center on this issue."
Getting any time away from your baby is difficult in those early months — meaning it's harder to do the regulating activities (like going to the gym) that can benefit your mental health. I remember feeling so desperate for some quiet time, in the adult world, that I eagerly volunteered to go apply for our baby’s health insurance coverage in person to get time away.
Other common disagreements from the parents we surveyed include communication, with 43% saying they've felt unheard, misunderstood, or overwhelmed; physical and emotional intimacy (38% have fought about this), sleep (36%), division of labor (34%); finances (34%); parenting styles (32%); extended family (27%); and work and child care (23%).
71% of couples argue a few times a month or more during baby's first year
Given this long list of stressors, it's no surprise that the vast majority of surveyed parents report arguing a few times a month. Only 29% of respondents say they rarely or never argue.
Know that it's normal and even healthy to fight, say What to Expect's experts, because it means you're addressing the difficult issues. "If you deny that things are hard, and need everything to be good and rosy, then you aren't dealing with things. You're not making them explicit," says Zari Hedayat, Ph.D., L.M.F.T., the director of training at the Los Angeles clinic Maternal Mental Health NOW. "These topics need to be named."
53% say overwhelm — not baby — is the real issue
Even through the postpartum mist, most parents can see that the baby is not the problem. It's feeling overwhelmed, overstimulated, and touched out that's driving the conflict, say the majority (53%) of surveyed parents. Other outside factors driving the fights were sleep deprivation (48%) and feeling unsupported or unappreciated (43%).
Given that both people are running on a totally empty tank, it's really no wonder that fights happen regularly during this era. "The biological piece is pretty enormous, and it just doesn't get enough air time," says Reichmann. "People laugh about sleep deprivation, like that's just the way it is, but it impairs emotional regulation, impulse control, empathy, and problem-solving."
Postpartum hormonal changes can also make you more prone to conflict. I remember being so close to tears at all times that even tiny disagreements — were we relying on the pacifier too much? should we play that song our baby loved yet again? — suddenly tipped over into overwrought fights.
"When the nervous system is dysregulated, you're either ready to fight or ready to retreat," says Hedayat. Neither is a great response for your partnership.
Conflict during the first year affects almost all parents' relationships
Nearly every parent in the What to Expect survey — 91% of them — say that their postpartum conflict impacted their overall relationship. Of those surveyed, 38% say it's been challenging but manageable, while 29% say it's caused ongoing tension, intense conflict, or distance in their relationship.
Which is why it’s so important to build up a toolbox of methods for getting through the routine bickering so it doesn’t become a pattern of resentment that wears down your overall bond. "I really do think having more conflict in the first year is unavoidable," says Reichmann. "The conflict itself isn’t an issue; it’s how you address and respond to it."
How to resolve conflict as a new parent
Just as we stocked up on burp cloths and teeny-tiny onesies, I wish my husband and I had at least attempted to prepare for the weepy little spats (weepy on my part, to be clear) that would come our way. Here's some expert advice that's actually realistic for addressing these inevitable fights.
Hold regular check-ins with each other
Of the new parents surveyed, 12% admit that they avoid addressing conflict. Unfortunately, the experts What to Expect consulted say that the worst thing you can do to your partnership is tamp down the frustrations and resentments until they build and build.
"Do not let the conflict go unresolved," says Reichmann. "It's really understandable to fall into negative communication patterns and start to withdraw from each other. But it gets harder and harder as you get entrenched in the loneliness, and feel like you're not in it together anymore."
Set aside a specific time each week to have 3- to 20-minute chats, suggests Hedayat. "When you're upset in a moment, you know there is that time carved out when you're going to be able to talk about it, which prevents the resentment from building," she says.
Come up with a signal or word to pause a fight
Thirteen percent of new parents say they like to take a break and resolve fights later — and experts say this can be a smart strategy, especially in the middle of the night, "because nothing gets solved in those hours, and the fatigue dramatically affects your judgement and empathy," Reichmann says.
Agree on a definitive gesture or safe word that calls a time-out before you say or do something you might regret. You're likely to make a kinder comment in the morning light or at your check-in chat.
Use humor
Cracking a joke can defuse tension in the midst of a 3 a.m. argument. Some goofy stress relievers to invoke during a fight or just throughout the early weeks might include inventing silly nicknames for your new baby ("Sir Poops a Lot," perhaps?), or crafting a wacky ritual for unpleasant times, like playing a special song at the beginning of each day's witching hour, or high-fiving after an especially fast diaper change.
Gift each other 20-minute breaks during extreme overwhelm
Sometimes, it's just too much. Your spouse just knocked over a whole bottle of precious pumped milk while heating it up, and the baby is shrieking for a meal, and you want to scream at them both until you're purple in the face, too. For scenarios like these, consider coming up with an agreement ahead of time that your partner will help you take a true break so that you can reset.
And not for five minutes, either, says Hedayat. "You need at least 20 minutes. That's how long it takes for your nervous system to settle down a little bit. Take the baby, leave me alone, let me go for a walk," she explains.
Expressing the need for a break explicitly (and conversely, clearly granting that break when your partner needs one) is better than hoping your partner can read your mind or body language, which sets you up for disappointment.
It's so important to have some conflict-management tricks in your back pocket, because learning to fix problems, and trusting that you can work with your partner to fix them, can protect your relationship for years to come. "The more ruptures are repaired, the more the couple knows they have the capacity to withstand difficulties," Hedayat says.
When the first year of parenthood drew to a close, I certainly felt like my husband and I were one of those lucky couples whose relationship felt stronger for what we'd just experienced. Yes, the otherworldly high of hearing our baby's first giggle brought us together, but surviving the really low lows — from postpartum medical complications to that time he found me crying on the floor, helpless, after another poop explosion — cemented our love in a way that no other life experience could have.
Methodology
The What to Expect Talk to Moms Monthly Poll was conducted by Everyday Health Group – Pregnancy and Parenting between April 30 and May 4, 2026. We surveyed 492 women ages 18 to 44 who have at least one child up to 5 years old.
Yes 
No 
