It’s great that you’ll have so much family support around you after the baby is born. (It’s how childrearing was done back in the good ole days!) And it really does take a village to raise a child. But what happens when the villagers want to take over the house?

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Key Takeaways:
  • Boundaries are a good thing. Yup, it’s more than okay to be direct with your in-laws and let them know you need time alone to bond with your baby and gel as a family.
  • Aim for firm, but kind. Thank your family for their help and support as you explain that you’ll be taking the lead when it comes to primary care and decision-making.
  • But don’t go solo. In order to best care for your wee one, getting enough rest is key — and accepting some family help will allow you to recover and recharge.

Setting boundaries with your in-laws now, before your baby is born, is not a bad idea. You’ll definitely want and need some private time to test your wings as a new mother (after all, it's a learn-by-doing process) and bond with your newborn.

You’ll also want time alone with your partner and the chance to experience all the ups (baby’s first smile!) and downs (another midnight feeding!?) that come with being a brand-new family as a threesome (rather than a foursome or fivesome — or more!).

Download the What to Expect app for more tips, judgement-free advice, and community support — your village (the right-size one!) is waiting.

There are gentle ways to handle this, without (ideally) hurting your in-laws’ feelings. Start by expressing your gratitude while also laying down some ground rules. Take your sister-in-law aside, for example, and say: “I am so happy you are going to be such a big part of our child’s life. And having your support is so important. But I’m going to need to find my own way, and you can help me do that by giving me some space and time alone with the baby.”

Then explain how you’ll want to handle the midnight feedings and child-care decisions on your own. It will also be helpful to have your partner on board with your decisions, so have a frank talk with him or her, too, about your feelings and how to best manage the situation so you come across as a unified front.

What to Expect Community parents have posted plenty on this topic, with one asking whether she can refuse offers to hold her newborn. 

“If you don’t feel comfortable, it’s okay to say no!" says What to Expect Community mom jjennniferr. "The in-laws may get bothered, but at the end of the day it’s your baby."

Be careful not to wander too far into the “I’ll do it all myself” direction, however. New moms need a lot of support and TLC, and you’ll find that some “me” time away from the baby can and will be a sanity saver.

As your body recovers from the brunt of labor, you’ll be amazed what wonders a nap and hot shower can do — and that’s when your in-laws’ help will become invaluable.

Here's to one big, happy family,


Heidi Murkoff