While pregnancy and giving birth is Mom’s job, there are a number of ways that you, as her partner, can share the load too. And guess what? It’s a lot more fun that way.
Research shows new moms have a better overall pregnancy experience when their partners are actively involved.[1] In your role as your partner's number one pregnancy partner, you’ll enjoy the experience more and give her some much-appreciated relief by sending the message that you’ll be a reliable partner in child care as well — not just a partner-in-reproduction.
Here are five ways you can make a difference that she’ll really notice and appreciate.
1. Listen … and talk
Pregnancy and childbirth can be a lot to handle — especially for first-timers. So make sure your partner knows she can vent to you about all those little (and big!) changes going on now: nerves about an upcoming procedure, anxiety about what kind of mom she’ll be, annoyance at her puffy feet.
Even if you think her concerns are outsized or illogical, keep the thought to yourself. Don’t tell her to "stop worrying” or “chill out.” Instead, listen to her, offer to help her find information or take an afternoon off to have some fun together. And since you’re a team, don’t hold back on sharing your fears too. Remember, it’s totally normal if the ride doesn’t feel quite as carefree as usual: Speak up, and things will go a lot more smoothly for both of you.
2. Pitch in
She’s not only dog-tired these days, she’s emotionally vulnerable too. So go the extra mile — pitch in more than you usually do with household chores, especially since her bump is not her best friend when she’s trying to sweep the floors or make the bed.
And think about other ways to lighten her load (and blow her mind with your superhero-like foresight): Maybe whip up a double batch of chili and stash half in the freezer to enjoy later on so she can nap or just put her feet up. If you can plunk down the extra cash, look into hiring a housekeeper now through the first few months after baby comes.
"My husband's being incredibly attentive and helpful, specifically with chores and massages, and going and getting me snacks in a snowstorm," says What to Expect Community user sheepdoodlemama. "He also just informed me that he hired a cleaning service for two months after I give birth so we both don't have to stress."
3. Get packing.
Sure, Mom needs her hospital bag — but you need one too. Fill it with gear like a toothbrush, toothpaste, iPad, extra batteries, books to read, and cards to play with your partner during labor (if she’s game, of course).
And don’t wait till the last minute — have your bag stocked several weeks before the baby is due in case you need to rush out the door. (Not likely, but it happens.)
While you’re at it, get a few surprises to put in her bag: some fancy towelettes she can use to wash her face when she wakes up in the recovery room, or new slippers or a robe to wear in the hospital. (Chocolate never hurts, either!)
4. Make your contact list and choose a wingman
Partners are often in charge of texting, emailing, and otherwise bragging about the big news when baby makes his debut, so get organized now. Talk to your partner and make a must-contact list with your family and friends’ email addresses and cellphone numbers.
If an email blast or Facebook post isn't your style, recruit a friend to help you spread the news over the phone (that’s a call everyone loves to make!).
And on that note, make sure to involve her in these decisions too. Some moms would love an Instagram of themselves and new baby just after birth; some would rather the world never, ever see them without makeup. Make the plan together and share the joy of sharing the joy.
5. Stay informed
Of course you know how your partner got pregnant — but you likely still feel a bit mystified by all the changes that are happening in her belly. So get the lowdown: Go with her to her doctor visits when you can and enroll in childbirth classes together (in person or virtual). Learn about her body and her baby’s development by signing up for the What to Expect newsletter. Or download the What to Expect app, which gives you personalized, day-by-day and week-by-week detailed information tracking every step of your journey.
You’ll be able to impress her when you tell her you love the new dark line on her stomach and even know its name (FYI, it's linea nigra). Or you can surprise her when you announce that your baby is the size of an avocado today.
The more information you have, the more relaxed you’ll feel about issues like sex during pregnancy (no, you won’t hurt the baby), your partner’s health, and what you can do to help when baby’s big birthday finally arrives.
"My husband has been so supportive the entire pregnancy and even before pregnancy," says What to Expect Community user midtwenties. "He does all the cooking, prepares our lunches, [does] dishes, does laundry (I put away), cleans, takes our dog for a daily walk, etc. When I get home I usually lay on the couch because my body is so exhausted and he props my feet up. I could go on and on. He's been so patient and I feel so so lucky."
Have more questions about supporting your partner during pregnancy and beyond? You can get answers in the What to Expect app, plus chat with other dads who have been there.
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